Kiss Me Deadly
by Mystic Loser
Summary: It all started with one kiss. One glance. I fell apart inside, Tenchi... I can't be complete without you.." Ryoko falls apart when Tenchi leaves her for someone else. Ryokos POV
1. Remember

Kiss Me Deadly  
  
.Mystic.Loser.  
  
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Summ: 'It all started with one kiss. One glance. I fell apart inside, Tenchi... I can't be complete without you.." Ryoko falls apart when Tenchi leaves her for someone else. * Ryokos POV*  
  
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"Its cold, tonight." Your voice seemed like the wind, so gentle, so fresh, but it could be so bitter and heartbreaking...  
  
"Yeah, I know." I replied carlessly, settling my back against the wall of the Masaki house. I hadn't come inside all day. All night. Im suprised you noticed at all. You make your way towards me. I can tell how you're feeling.. I can hear you breathing, your footsteps, even your heart as it beats. I wonder...who it beats for..  
  
You put your hand on my shoulder, and speak to me like a father would to a stuborn child. Your voice is so soft, warm and gentle. So friendly. Is that all I'll be to you? A friend? A stuborn child?  
  
"Ryoko, you should go inside. It's getting late."  
  
"Im not tired."  
  
"Ryoko." Its not a command. Its more of a sigh. As if your tired of dealing with me and my childish ways. I can feel it wrap around my heart. Its choking me, and you don't even get why. I can't stand your naivety! I can't stand you anymore Tenchi!  
  
I jerk away from your hand. Your gentle voice. Your soft glances. I tear away from everything I ever felt for you.  
  
"Ryoko.." you say my name again.Its like you're pleading now.Your voice hangs in the air, hovers over my head, and casually slips around my neck like a noose. Im choking on your voice, your movements, your touch.  
  
"I wish I could tear away from everything i felt for you." I whisper. You dont hear, or choose not to respond. Its all still inside me. It hurts worse and worse with every beat of my heart. I can still hear every little breath, every little murmur, every beat of your blessed heart, that I wish I could hold in my hands. Its tearing me apart inside. I can't breathe..Im choking.  
  
"Come inside, lets just..go to bed Ryoko!" you say, rubbing your head. "Its been a long day.."  
  
Are you scolding me?  
  
Thats rich.  
  
I don't know what comes over me, but for a minute, I believe I did tear away from the new Ryoko. I could never get *mad* at you before..but now Im overflowing with rage. Im so mad..Im trembling.  
  
"Ryo..Ryoko?" you say, suprised. Im shaking. Do you think its grief? Do you think Im just too cold? Tired? What excuse do you have now?How can you explain my behavior? Avoid my eyes? I hate you Tenchi. I hate you for making me feel this way. Feel complete, yet so worthless. I can't be..without you!  
  
I can't.  
  
And it kills me.  
  
Because you're my everything...  
  
and I mean nothing to you..  
  
Sinking to my knees, I cant fight back the frustrated tears. They nip at my sensitive yokai eyes until I release them.  
  
"Do you remember that night..Tenchi...The night you said you loved me.."  
  
"Ryoko.."  
  
-------  
  
It was late. I had been out all night again. I didn't expect anyone would care. You all gave that up, didn't you?  
  
I phased through the door, why bother opening it and making unnessicary noise? Floating to the couch, I collapsed, burying my face into a pillow.  
  
"Ryoko?" you whispered. My head snapped up, and I looked at you, as you stood in the doorway of the hall and the living room. My heart skipped a beat.I sat up, uncomfterble.  
  
"T-Tenchi?" I stammered like alittle girl. It sounded all too much like something Ayeka would do, so I quickly added, "What are you doing up, you naughty boy?"  
  
You sighed, and sat down. "You had me really worried."  
  
I threw you a cheesy fake grin, "Really?"  
  
"Where were you all night? Its almost one o'clock! And no note?"  
  
"Relax Tenchi. Gee, I didn't know you cared." I laughed sarcasticly, proping my legs up on the table.  
  
"Ryoko.." you sighed. You'd think, that after all the times you've said my name, it would have lost its effect, but it still makes me stop right in my tracks, my heart quicken, then burst in happiness, no matter what the cause. When you say my name..it sounds so musical. I've tryed saying my name like you do, so softly, so gentle.. but I only sound clumsy and spaced out like Mihoshi.  
  
"You've never stayed out this late before."  
  
"I was just taking a walk. Honest Tenchi." I say, feeling slightly sorry for making you worry. Then it happens, our eyes meet. I can't breathe, as we sit there, for what seems like hours, staring at each other. But as quick as it came,the moment is gone, and Im left..cold..barren.You switch your eyes to the floor.  
  
"Tenchi.." I whisper, placing a hand on your shoulder.  
  
"Ryoko..I.." but you can't finish your sentence, I've already forced my mouth on yours.  
  
Your hand made its way around my waist, your other dug into my shoulder. It was an odd arrangment, but somehow our bodies fit together perfectly. You were kissing me back. It felt strange at first. Diffrent, yet so natural. We belonged together. Your lips parted, your tounge darted across my lower lip ever-so softly.It was akward, but perfect. I chuckled without breaking the kiss,granting your tounge permission to enter.  
  
I have been kissed plenty of times, by plenty of men. Some I don't even remember their names. I did what I had to, to get by. It was unplesant, but so was working for that bastard Kagato. I never enjoyed my life until I meant you. Even though kissing was something so old to me, and usually I associated it with some unpleasant duty that fell into my lap because of my appealing form and face, this kiss-this akward,clumsy little kiss, that was probally your first,- was something diffrent. Something special. Like nothing I've ever felt before.  
  
It all started with that glance. That kiss. Before I knew it you were carrying me to your room. Still kissing me. I could hear your heart beating. I could hear my own. They mingled together, creating an eerie symphony. It played out our whole relationship, from the day you woke me up, to now. It all made sense.  
  
--  
  
I woke up that morning, tangled in your sheets. Clothes scattered, forgotten around the room. The sunlight stung my eyes, dancing across my exposed flesh, across the snow white sheets, across your angelic face. Half laying, half sitting, I prop myself up on my elbows, head in my hands. I can still hear your heart beat. Its so calm..so serene. Just like you.  
  
Your eyes flutter open, and you look up at me, looking down at you, and for a minute, Im embarssed. Embarssed you caught me staring at you. Embarssed I didn't stop you from going to far last night. Embarssed for kissing you, enticing you, loving you.  
  
"Ryoko.." you whisper, yawning.  
  
"Im sorry." I said, looking away.  
  
"Its okay, Ryoko..its as much my fault as yours." You brush a strand of light blue hair from my face and wrap your arms around me, and for one perfect moment, everything is okay.  
  
"I love you, Ryoko."  
  
"I love you too, Tenchi."  
  
(tbc) 


	2. Love is pain Extreme pain

Kiss Me Deadly  
  
-M.L.-  
  
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Disclaimer: Whoops...wait...didn't I forget a disclaimer in chapter one......hrm..oh well..what harm could come of it? *lawyers knock on her door* O_O;; Well, I might as well say it now, I dont own Tenchi. (muffled sob)  
  
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"Ryoko...I've forgotten all about that. You should do.." you whisper. The tears are flowing freely now, my body aches with the memory of being one with you, of being complete. The pain seems too great now, like a hammer ramming repeatedly into my chest, knocking my heart off beat.  
  
"I can't."  
  
"Ryoko.."  
  
"What did I do wrong?"  
  
"I just don't feel anything for you..can't we be friends?"  
  
"Liar." I cried out in pain. Don't tell me that Tenchi, please don't tell me that. Im nothing without you. If I could just be somthing in your eyes. If you would hold me like you use to...Tenchi.. "Liar.." It seemed like cotton was being shoved in my ears. My senses were growing dull. I couldn't hear you breathe, or talk, all I heard was the ear shattering scream as it escaped my body..  
  
So this must be how it feels to die?  
  
Everythings going black..  
  
Do you even care?  
  
------  
  
"Ryoko?"  
  
My name.  
  
Heh..It sounds so pitiful.  
  
"Ryokooo."  
  
So loud...  
  
"RYOKO!"  
  
Finally I opened my eyes. It felt as if my whole body was paralyzed. I couldn't lift my hand to block the blinding light from burning my eyes..  
  
"So you're finally awake." Washu's large bushy head moved infront of the light, grinning.  
  
"Why can't I move?" I muttered.  
  
"You're strapped to the table. You wouldn't stop thrashing in your sleep.You fell off atleast three times, roughed your head up a bit."  
  
"Washu..whats wrong with me?" I muttered. I felt cold all over. I never fainted without reason before.  
  
Washu undid the straps holding me to the tableWas it just my imagination, or was she avoiding my eyes? Did she look...sad?  
  
"Washu?" I repeated, sitting up, rubbing the red, irritated circle the leather band left on my wrists.  
  
"Ryoko.." Washu said, sitting down. She looked like an old lady, her face suddenly lined with sorrow, "Ryoko you're dying."  
  
"What?" I said, "I don't think I understood."  
  
"You're sick, Ryoko. Im not sure with what, but Im sure its killing you."  
  
"Washu, what do you mean your not sure? I thought you knew everything!" It sounded bitter. And I was. She was the one who gave me the news, hence, it was her fault.  
  
"Im not sure. Its as if your body is waging war on itself. Your heart is giving out. Its growing weaker.Its as if it wants to die.."  
  
I want to die.  
  
Maybe I should be dancing with joy.  
  
I bet you are.  
  
With that little pinhead princess.  
  
Up in your room.  
  
The two of you.  
  
Do you think I can't hear you?  
  
At night.  
  
She moans your name..  
  
as you do hers.  
  
Tenchi...  
  
"Ryoko..the basic compound of your body was made from that one celled organizm that Ryo-ohki formed with. Its meant to carry out the host's wishes.."  
  
"So?" I replied, callously. Im dying. So what? Its not like I haven't been killed thousands of times before. When you'd throw me *those* looks, or smile. Or when you announced the news over breakfast.  
  
'Lady Ayeka and I..'  
  
'Are to be wed.'  
  
I died right then and there. And I wish you would have to. She can't make you happy! How could you ever think she would?  
  
Its always been you and me Tenchi. We're two of a kind. We'll always be meant for eachother, and one day you'll see that. You'll come back to me..  
  
I'd truly like to believe that...  
  
I want to believe that..  
  
"So if you want to die that badly.....then die you shall." Washu stated simply. "What has you so upset.."  
  
Do you think I can't hear you at night?  
  
When you're loving her, and every fiber of my body is screaming for your touch? When Im dying because I love you...and you couldn't care less for me?  
  
"Ryoko...is he that important?" Washu said, taking my hand in hers.  
  
"Without Tenchi..." I muttered.."Without him.....I can't be complete." Brushing away the small rivers streaming from my eyes, my hands began to tremble.  
  
"Oh, Ryoko." Washu said, taking me in her tiny arms. It felt akward, this small hug from mother to daughter, but I'd take anything offered right now.  
  
"How long do I have left?"  
  
"I'd give you about two months, Ryoko..unless you can will it away."  
  
"I'd rather just die."  
  
"Ryo.."  
  
But I phased away, appearing at the tree of light. Its funny..the tree of light seemed to the air about it as Tenchi did, so warm and refreshing. Maybe I should just lay here and die beneath the tree. Would you cry, Tenchi? Would you?  
  
I feel myself growing faint even now..maybe I do need a nap..  
  
=---=  
  
"Ryoko.."  
  
Washu had been following me all day the next day.  
  
"Ryoko, listen to me."  
  
"Fine, Im in a good mood today, so I'll humor you."  
  
"Ryoko, what you're doing is dangerous."  
  
"What are you talking about Washu?"  
  
"Tenchi."  
  
"How'd you know?"  
  
"How would I not know. I AM your mother, after all."  
  
"Heh, fine Mother, why is it dangerous." I shouldn't have asked. I didn't *want* this perfect day to be ruined. I didn't want all these good emotions in me to collapse into nothing as they have so many times before. Tenchi and I had been together..what could ruin this moment?  
  
"Lady Ayeka and Lord Tenchi were meant to be together. They're bound by royal blood."  
  
"No." I refused to hear this. I gave Washu the back of my head.  
  
"He will choose her."  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Don't let him play with you."  
  
"TENCHI LOVES ME!" I screamed, covering my ears. Im not a toy. Im not.  
  
"See things for what they are! You love Tenchi! But are you sure that he feels the same for you?"  
  
"Im not a toy.." I am. And if thats what I have to be to get Tenchi's attention, Use me! Use me! Im a puppet, and willingly I'll give you the strings Tenchi. I'd die a thousand deaths, each more painfull then the last for you.  
  
I didn't know how correct I was...  
  
*Would you cry for me? My dear Tenchi..*  
  
I wonder how its possiable that I fell so deeply in love with you Tenchi. I have already died a thousand times, when you smile, when you move, when I see you touch her. When she smiles and rejoices in your touch. You never touched me in publice, but I know how your hand feels against my skin, I know what it feels like to be complete. And when it boils down to it..In the end..Im glad I knew that feeling before I die. Even if I could go back, and stop it all from happening, I'd rather live with this pain.  
  
I'd rather die with this pain..  
  
Then erase the memory of your sweet touch from my body.  
  
Is that what love is? Because I know I love you, but I cant explain this feeling. I know Im not a poet. I never have been. Maybe Ayeka is. Maybe she'll write you a beautiful epic poem, where I die, and you two live on, happily ever after. Would that make you happy or sad?  
  
All I can say is it hurts a helluva lot to be in love.  
  
Love is pain.  
  
Extreme Pain..  
  
(tbc) 


	3. Tearing Me Apart

Kiss Me Deadly  
  
--M.L.--  
  
---  
  
"Ryoko." Your voice was so soft, so flowing, I wanted to drown in it. Even though, right now, my very insides are collapsing because of you, all I can care about is how you can make my name seem like velvet.  
  
"I heard the news from Washu."  
  
"So?"I mutter, sitting up. Brushing the leaves and grass off my back, you aproach me. You offer your hand to help me up.  
  
"No thanks." I mutter, pushing it away. Do you think Im stupid? Im naive? Im forgiving? Well, Im none of these things, Tenchi. Im nothing like Ayeka. How could you forget?  
  
Crawling to my feet, I lean against the Tree of Jurai, staring at you. Its not a cold stare, or atleast I hope its not, and its definatly not loving. Its just blank. Because thats how I feel right now..empty.  
  
"Ryoko, what do you want me to do!?" You exclaim, rasing your voice slightly. My expression stays the same.  
  
"Tenchi, the fair is in town. Won't you take me today?"  
  
"Ryoko, Im engaged to Ayeka."  
  
"Who said it was a date."  
  
You frown, you close your eyes, sigh. All these signs..the same movements I've seen for the past..how many years?  
  
"Fine, Ryoko. Fine."you say, "Lets go."  
  
"Alright Tenchi." I say, walking over to you. I pat you on the back, offer a fake smile.  
  
"You'll see Tenchi. Everything will be okay."  
  
--------  
  
"Oooh, he's cute." Casually I work these slight manipulations into our conversation, as you stand next to me. I point at diffrent guys, I giggle, I smirk. I do all the things I'd do if I had never fallen in love with you.  
  
"Ryoko." you sigh, holding the purple teddy bear with the light blue ribbon wrapped around its neck. You won that for Ayeka right? It matches her hair.  
  
"What Tenchi? You want us to be friends right?" I say, upbeat. I can win. I can make you crack. You'll cry for me. You'll wish you never said those words about that blasted princess.  
  
"Its just..do you have to point out every guy you like at this fair? It makes me.." you sigh. I have to supress the urge to comfort you, I have to supress the urge to laugh. Two Ryoko's dueling. The old and new. The heartbroken, and the heartbreaker.  
  
"Tenchi, It makes me uncomfterble when I hear you and Ayeka.."  
  
I don't have to finish my sentence, you get the point. And you're walking away.  
  
Feh.  
  
I should be the one whose mad.  
  
But I love you soo much Tenchi..  
  
Im like a dog on a leash, so I follow you home.  
  
I need you more then anything.  
  
I'll die for you..  
  
if I can't have you..  
  
---------  
  
"Ryoko.." you say coldly, stoping as we walk through the park. "Do you think I want to hurt you?"  
  
I open my mouth, trying to speak but I can't.  
  
"Do you think that I don't care for you? Like I care for Sasami? Like I care for Washu, Mihoshi, Kiyone and Ryo-ohki?" you say, as if IM the one who did something wrong.  
  
"You can't pretend what we did never happened. " I said, my voice harsh with supressed tears. I must sound pathetic. Not like you, Tenchi. Your voice is always so musical. So alive. It takes the breathe right out of me sometimes. And your smell, don't get me started. It seems to change with you. When you're said it smells like freshly poured rain and lavender. When you're angry you smell like sulfer. When you're happy you smell like roses. Spring. Flowers. I can feel the blush crawling into my face now, and Im embarssed, because I know you'll look over you're shoulder any minute and see me standing her, red as an apple, looking dumb as ever, and this only makes me blush worse.  
  
And you DO look at me.  
  
And you must think Im completly pathetic.  
  
Because you reach out and take me in your arms and kiss me.  
  
But I will NOT be a PITY FUCK!  
  
But your kiss is so soft..  
  
so warm...  
  
Maybe just this once..  
  
--------------------------  
  
The next morning I felt as cold and as empty as I had before. It couldn't have been real. And Im sure it wasn't for you. I was probally your princess disquised as Ryoko, to play a little game. Ah- If only everything were a game. Noone would get hurt. There'd be no pain. If only I was numb to you Tenchi, if only I couldn't feel anymore. If only I could die sooner. If only the MASS that my body is made of would just kill itself off faster.I'd be numb. I'd feel nomore. Is that possible? I love you , and I will always love you. But does that count if Im dead? If Im six feet under? If Im rotting? If you don't even cry when they lower my casket? If Im watching from below (because We ALL KNOW thats where Im going.Your Princess says it so IT MUST be TRUE! Right Tenchi?) as you grow old, have childern and die with Ayeka? Then move on to eternal bliss? Or if I come back next life and this happens all over again?Do the Gods hate me THAT much?  
  
Im begining to think they do Tenchi..  
  
I really am...  
  
You left your bear in my bed. Its so cute with the big paper note that reads, "Goodbye, Ryoko...Tenchi." on it in big bold letters that destroy my very soul. My very body. I tear the note off the bear, and clutch the bear to my heart before tearing it apart. Just like you tear me apart.  
  
And in that instance, I hate you.  
  
And Im crying, because I know I can't hate you forever.  
  
And once I stop hating you it'll hurt even worse.  
  
And its already ripping my heart apart.  
  
((Tbc)) 


End file.
